On loyalty and friendships

Let me begin this post by asking a question; how loyal are you?

Today I received a comment from a family member that I am too loyal to people and that I hold on too long, so I got thinking about the subject of loyalty.

I’m sure you can identify when I tell you that I’ve had my fair share of broken friendships and broken relationships. I’m freshly reminded of this as I still wait (in vain) for a response to an email C. sent to a friend of mine back innnnnn July or something? A girl who he was thought to be my best friend, about an issue in my life that,  in short, was pretty crappy. She never bothered to respond.

She moved away earlier in the year and I’ve called, I’ve texted and sent a few messages asking how she and her family were doing and the only response so far has been the odd comment about the latest television show. I think I officially got dumped.

Nonetheless I remain loyal. I’m not down with being a doormat and don’t condone toxic relationships but in cases like this I forgive and forgive and forgive and eventually forget. C. told me about his one-strike policy in situations such as these, he cuts the ties, unforgiving, unrelenting. One strike, done.

I won’t judge you, one way or the other. People are fickle emotional beings and we all have our reasons and limits for acting the way we do. My loyalty has caused me hurt a few times, has it set me up for more or less?

I like to think less, some friendships can be saved and others can’t but in the end I gain comfort from knowing that I’ve done all that I could have done and remained loyal until what truly is, the end.

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18 Comments

  1. I'm the same in that I don't let go very easily. Second, third, fourth chances are a common thing with me. I had a friend in high school that slept with, made out with, or tried to date every single guy I liked, and I'm still friends with her. So I know what you mean!

  2. I’m the same in that I don’t let go very easily. Second, third, fourth chances are a common thing with me. I had a friend in high school that slept with, made out with, or tried to date every single guy I liked, and I’m still friends with her. So I know what you mean!

  3. For me, it just depends on the relationship. If it's not that important to me, I could let go after a couple issues. Otherwise, I'm loyal as long as it's a healthy relationship.

  4. I'm loyal up until my trust is broken. As soon as someone losses my trust, it's pretty much over.

  5. For me, it just depends on the relationship. If it’s not that important to me, I could let go after a couple issues. Otherwise, I’m loyal as long as it’s a healthy relationship.

  6. I’m loyal up until my trust is broken. As soon as someone losses my trust, it’s pretty much over.

  7. The issue would need to be pretty huge for me to give up on my friends. My friends and family are the most important to me and I know no one is perfect and that we all slip up. I believe in being loyal and sticking it out through thick and thin,.

  8. The issue would need to be pretty huge for me to give up on my friends. My friends and family are the most important to me and I know no one is perfect and that we all slip up. I believe in being loyal and sticking it out through thick and thin,.

  9. Great post, Renée. It's been in my experience that many relationships change after you turn 25. I think everyone matures at different ages and it causes childhood friendships to go on separate paths… there's nothing wrong w/ remaining loyal if your friends end up back on the same path as you but sometimes the time apart is just a tad too long. Only do what feels right.

  10. Great post, Andrea. It’s been in my experience that many relationships change after you turn 25. I think everyone matures at different ages and it causes childhood friendships to go on separate paths… there’s nothing wrong w/ remaining loyal if your friends end up back on the same path as you but sometimes the time apart is just a tad too long. Only do what feels right.

  11. Shannyn@FruBeautiful

    November 24, 2011 at 11:38

    I usually boil it down to respect- is this person simply going through a transition, a rough time or a steep learning curve but still remains respectful though distant or flaky? I realize we all go through periods where we're MIA from friendships and sometimes do some silly things because we aren't thinking.

    Other times though, it's clear that if someone's going through a selfish phase, I don't need to be their teacher or go along for their journey. Sometimes it's best to let them go through their own thing alone and if they come around and really want to be involved in your life and be reliable, that is when you can forgive and let them back into your life, otherwise assume they're still learning/growing elsewhere and don't waste your emotional energy giving chances to someone who'd rather not have them.

    • Hmmm you have some good points as well. I think I need to let this friend go through this and like you said, go through their thing and if she comes around… then I'll go from there. Thanks for stopping in!

  12. No offense, but i suggest adding a facebook like button for the blog!

  13. Does this site have a page on Facebook?

  14. My wife and I have an indoor cat, and have faced conversations with most of our family and friends about our decision not to remover her claws.

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